The ability of being happy from every little thing in life comes from the absence of the great whole thing. I don't know if its blue or it smells like a summer day but most of the time its gone. Songs to shuffle vague memories, people that fill the atmosphere, moments which I tried to understand why I am not where I wanted to be and why am I not laughing in a bed with the sole person I can only think of right now.

After feeling like the only person intelligent in my own world since thousands of questions are asked through years, the stupidity sits right in front of me telling that I came way to far to jump off from a cliff. When did keeping the sanity in peace become so hard? When did the ideas I talked but never believe in start to keep my mind busy every hour, every minute, every fucking second.

When the best moment I could ever live is a simple happy moment, what has been holding myself right now. Am I really trapped inside of myself or too numb to move somewhere else?

Its the best thing I can do... I can think about a moment. I can create it in my mind..as if I am sitting in absolute silence, waiting for a simple thing to appear in the dark..Its just that...its just me wanting to sleep and waking up in peace. Can't think of any rules right now. Can't find a structure to life and I absolutely have no strength in my body to keep anything alive but myself.

Its just me wanting to sleep after a good wine and waking up in a summer day.