I still have the hunger to change the world. Every lazy moment I feel my body weightless and my mind too numb to even think about getting up to make a sandwich to match my day time whiskey, I find myself portraying a miserable, useless man who is constantly pushing himself in and out of a mud of self pity. I guess looks different when you put on a hat and a happy face with some friends and a good deal of alcohol on the table.

How fucked up is both being able to self satisfy yourself and having no single idea what the hell you are doing with your life. As more left behind and less in front of me every single second feels like that Chinese torture. The world shakes beneath my feet as I grow into the man I m supposed to be. The more I grab onto stuff in my life, the more I feel others become forbidden. From philosophical point of view which I m sure a gay old Greek guy with white dress once said before, any kind of lose of freedom doesn't make sense when you have no absolute boundaries that you are aware of for sure.

I never realized I was getting so far away from the common peaceful reality that I made it impossible for myself to walk straight without hitting human mammals including myself.

but I do love. I do have moments and people I can't stop thinking of. Its funny that I keep what I need so far away from myself physically and can't survive a single moment without their illusions in my head.

I ll change and put myself where my mouth is from now on.
Fuck..

I talk too much.